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Jun. 5th, 2009 01:11 amEverytime I am at Dance Empire for something that requires me and other parents to actually gather inside and hang out for awhile - like today at auditions - I notice the same five, distinct, non-mingling demographics.
1. The really, really poor, kind of ghetto, out of place moms, who's kids are there on scholarships for sheer ability. They are kind of detached from the whole thing, mainly "socializing" by muttering under their breath and shaking their heads at the crazies. They do talk animatedly to the teachers when adressed, though, partially because the teachers are all great. I can get in a cool conversation with these ladies sometimes, if I can get past their suspicions, because they're refreshingly rational. Their dancers are especially determined and often the best ones there, talent-wise.
2. The crazy Miami cougars, with breast implants, huge fake lips, botox and bleached blond hair on brown hispanic skin. These Moms will pay any price for anything for their babies, and they are wearing $200 in sunglasses and have a thousand dollar purse draped over their shoulder. They speak loudly but rarely and stand very, very tall in their high heels over everyone else who has chosen to sit. I have a hard time not staring. Their dancers seem to cry fairly often, generally anytime anything is "hard" or they don't get picked. They also drink diet sodas, which I in my naivete find somewhat shocking in elementary-aged children, and have makeup on in all classes. Yes, boys too.
3. The psycho "Stage Moms" who are overweight and not especially image conscious, but are literally gathered 5-deep around the desk yelling questions over one another about recital makeup when they aren't pulling an extra set of tap shoes or another bun net out of their purse as they call their child back for one last pep talk and spritz of hairspray. This group is the one I most resemble a member of at a glance, but they all seem to shoot me a neverending stream of dirty looks because I tend to be sitting complacently on the floor, indian style, nursing a toddler or reading to a preschooler as though MY DANCER IS NOT RIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT WALL AND COULD HAVE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING!!!! Their daughters seem mainly to say, "Mo-OM!!" as a response to anything - having their hair violently brushed back, having their leotard straightened and yanked, having their dance bag dug through, etc.
4. The lone poor ignorant first-time-dance-Mom who just wanted to put her princess in a tutu and get some pictures and had no idea this was some big deal, here. These Moms are often staring with wonder at the awards and accolades from newspapers, magazines, tv shows and Broadway around the waiting area or standing with mouth agape as the teacher lists ways their daughter can improve their technique and take it to the next level. Today's example of this woman was exclaiming in shock at how the recital directions expressly state that your child is to superglue all accessories to themself for the show so they don't go flying onstage, and is not to wear underwear under their costumes unless you go to Dance Plus, where they offer nude thongs in all sizes ("Welcome to the dance world, Mommies!" it proclaims). I love to get this Mom in a conversation, because she tends to be really sincere. And hilariously aghast.
5. And last, the couple of Dads, who are invariably pacing around outside on cell phones, hurriedly asking confused questions with a note of panic - "She was supposed to have what?" "You realize how much this costs?" "Is it ok for her to _____?" "How was I supposed to know - ?" Their kids are rolling their eyes.
*big sigh*
I did not mention my absolute favorite group, which is the teenaged dancers who arrive alone or in groups but NOT with parents at their sides. They move with easy grace, wear the most awesomely cool casual comfortable looking clothes you can imagine, and come in a rainbow spectrum of everybody, slipping through the little kids and the mothers as though they don't even see them. They laugh, listen to iPods, stretch with the benches out front, and make me wish I had the resources to take dance myself.
I feel we're entering a new phase as a family. It's really palpable lately. At the zoo and at the pool, things felt different - because our youngest is 2. Because our oldest is 9. Because Elise wears underwear and walks next to me. Because we have no stroller or sling with us. Because Isaac and Jake might both be on soccer teams this Fall. Because Annie and Aaron get up, unload the dishwasher and start a load of laundry, if it's her, and clean the dining table and take out the trash, if it's him, and they're responsible for care of their own pets. Because I can go to Lakeland overnight by myself to help my mother with my Nana, or take off with her to Key West because her Dad died. Because of sleepovers and bras and you know...not many people will even get what this means. But starting this coming school year, in AWANA, Aaron will be in TNT with Annie, Isaac will be moving up to Sparks after two years in Cubbies, and Jake will suddenly be in Cubbies. All four of them dropped off on Wednesday evenings and ELISE no doubt begging to go too like Jake has been doing...
Because when we're driving home and see someone with their hand out the window trying to hold a canoe steady on their jeep's roof, as it wobbles, slides, and shifts with nothing else securing it, Ananda and Aaron are as freaked as me. And then Aaron says, "Man, you should have taken a picture of that and put it on failblog."
I think Ananda might have something really awesome with her new friend Christina. She is a nice girl and seems smart and all, but beyond that, she has a twin brother who is autistic. Annie spends so much time with Aaron jumping all over her when they were just sitting their watching a movie, or suddenly yelping 5 times and banging on the window in the van because he's been sitting too long, or not even being able to hold a conversation with her because he's freaking out - and those are extremes for him. But they're daily extremes. He has a certain inability to grasp what is appropriate that is very tied up with SID. Anyway. Annie and I spent awhile alone tonight talking about SID being an autism spectrum disorder and how Christopher is fully autistic and so it's different. But it's the same. Because there is this awkward distance and this irritation blooming between her and Aaron, even though they still do so much together and love each other, and I think Christina probably feels very similarly. Part of it - with both of them - is just that they're entering that time when girls suddenly mature, physically and mentally, far beyond boys their own age. But they're also entering this time when social lives become more important, with brothers who don't really "get" much of anything about social lives or how to act around new people.
Also, Christopher and Aaron seem to get along great, especially now that Aaron and I talked long and hard about why "Christopher seems weird". Aaron is thoughtful and curious, and relieved to understand what's going on with him. He wants to find out more about how autism makes Christopher smarter in some areas and better at certain things, because he definitely feels like his own sensory issues give him a huge edge in certain areas (empathy, balance, not to mention being able to find things by smell alone sometimes...)
I am SO proud of him re: sid, by the way....I don't know how to even begin to say how far he's come and how awesome he is. He is so willing to try harder and give more concetration to things than a lot of "average kids", and that really picks up a lot of the slack for him.
Right now the task he is painstakingly managing over months is clearing, scrubbing and drying the dining table. It sometimes takes HOURS per day. But sometimes, lately, it takes less than 10 minutes, too. Like it should, if he isn't so consistently distracted that I call him back every 30 seconds to 2 minutes over and over and OVER. I go find him. I yell for him. I reason with him. I get angry and dissapointed with him. I sometimes ground him over it. But it has gone from always being hours to rarely being an hour. It just works. We talk about how it's my job to make sure he can do things even when he doesn't like to, is distracted, or what have you, so that he can live and all when he's a grown up. It used to be like this for him to dress himself, it was INSANE for him to find clothes (let alone that even vaguely matched) AND put them on. Those days are long gone though, after over a year of him wandering out 15 minutes after I said "Go find a shirt" to say, "What am I doing?" ....three times in a row. And then losing the shirt and me finding him playing with legos. Etc.
There are a lot of things like this with Aaron. I spent two years getting him off the dining table dozens of times per day, for instance. And now I frequently remind myself when I am about to stab myself in the eyeball, over the cleaning the table bit, that he doesn't get on the table anymore. I just have to say THIS 5 million times, now.
Today was succesful and productive but nonstop gogogo all over the place - auditions (TOOK WAY LONGER THAN EXPECTED), lunch out with Daddy (SO CROWDED, but yummy), PATH (great, until the end), shoe store because Ananda and Christina LOST AARON'S SHOES AT PATH (she is so repaying me for the replacements, I mean they were throwing his shoes into bushes and even a trash can to get him to leave them alone and he was all sad about it? I was disgusted) grocery store (eh). Then we ended up rushing back around the corner to the close grocery store after I put all the original groceries away and realized we missed key dinner ingredients somehow. And that trip went very smoothly. But I was still taking Aleve with my dinner for my screaming back and somehow even getting everyone up earlier than usual? They refused to go to sleep earlier when I put them in bed obviously beyond tired. We just got triple the normal length of bedtime drama out of everyone (except Annie, who just goes to bed like a thinking person, and Jake, who really was too tired to fight it).
Tomorrow is all here. I am happy and excited about it. School work, phone calls I'm behind with for appointments and other things, breaking out the wii fit, cleaning.
I really shouldn't still be up. I'm just rambling.
1. The really, really poor, kind of ghetto, out of place moms, who's kids are there on scholarships for sheer ability. They are kind of detached from the whole thing, mainly "socializing" by muttering under their breath and shaking their heads at the crazies. They do talk animatedly to the teachers when adressed, though, partially because the teachers are all great. I can get in a cool conversation with these ladies sometimes, if I can get past their suspicions, because they're refreshingly rational. Their dancers are especially determined and often the best ones there, talent-wise.
2. The crazy Miami cougars, with breast implants, huge fake lips, botox and bleached blond hair on brown hispanic skin. These Moms will pay any price for anything for their babies, and they are wearing $200 in sunglasses and have a thousand dollar purse draped over their shoulder. They speak loudly but rarely and stand very, very tall in their high heels over everyone else who has chosen to sit. I have a hard time not staring. Their dancers seem to cry fairly often, generally anytime anything is "hard" or they don't get picked. They also drink diet sodas, which I in my naivete find somewhat shocking in elementary-aged children, and have makeup on in all classes. Yes, boys too.
3. The psycho "Stage Moms" who are overweight and not especially image conscious, but are literally gathered 5-deep around the desk yelling questions over one another about recital makeup when they aren't pulling an extra set of tap shoes or another bun net out of their purse as they call their child back for one last pep talk and spritz of hairspray. This group is the one I most resemble a member of at a glance, but they all seem to shoot me a neverending stream of dirty looks because I tend to be sitting complacently on the floor, indian style, nursing a toddler or reading to a preschooler as though MY DANCER IS NOT RIGHT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THAT WALL AND COULD HAVE FORGOTTEN SOMETHING!!!! Their daughters seem mainly to say, "Mo-OM!!" as a response to anything - having their hair violently brushed back, having their leotard straightened and yanked, having their dance bag dug through, etc.
4. The lone poor ignorant first-time-dance-Mom who just wanted to put her princess in a tutu and get some pictures and had no idea this was some big deal, here. These Moms are often staring with wonder at the awards and accolades from newspapers, magazines, tv shows and Broadway around the waiting area or standing with mouth agape as the teacher lists ways their daughter can improve their technique and take it to the next level. Today's example of this woman was exclaiming in shock at how the recital directions expressly state that your child is to superglue all accessories to themself for the show so they don't go flying onstage, and is not to wear underwear under their costumes unless you go to Dance Plus, where they offer nude thongs in all sizes ("Welcome to the dance world, Mommies!" it proclaims). I love to get this Mom in a conversation, because she tends to be really sincere. And hilariously aghast.
5. And last, the couple of Dads, who are invariably pacing around outside on cell phones, hurriedly asking confused questions with a note of panic - "She was supposed to have what?" "You realize how much this costs?" "Is it ok for her to _____?" "How was I supposed to know - ?" Their kids are rolling their eyes.
*big sigh*
I did not mention my absolute favorite group, which is the teenaged dancers who arrive alone or in groups but NOT with parents at their sides. They move with easy grace, wear the most awesomely cool casual comfortable looking clothes you can imagine, and come in a rainbow spectrum of everybody, slipping through the little kids and the mothers as though they don't even see them. They laugh, listen to iPods, stretch with the benches out front, and make me wish I had the resources to take dance myself.
I feel we're entering a new phase as a family. It's really palpable lately. At the zoo and at the pool, things felt different - because our youngest is 2. Because our oldest is 9. Because Elise wears underwear and walks next to me. Because we have no stroller or sling with us. Because Isaac and Jake might both be on soccer teams this Fall. Because Annie and Aaron get up, unload the dishwasher and start a load of laundry, if it's her, and clean the dining table and take out the trash, if it's him, and they're responsible for care of their own pets. Because I can go to Lakeland overnight by myself to help my mother with my Nana, or take off with her to Key West because her Dad died. Because of sleepovers and bras and you know...not many people will even get what this means. But starting this coming school year, in AWANA, Aaron will be in TNT with Annie, Isaac will be moving up to Sparks after two years in Cubbies, and Jake will suddenly be in Cubbies. All four of them dropped off on Wednesday evenings and ELISE no doubt begging to go too like Jake has been doing...
Because when we're driving home and see someone with their hand out the window trying to hold a canoe steady on their jeep's roof, as it wobbles, slides, and shifts with nothing else securing it, Ananda and Aaron are as freaked as me. And then Aaron says, "Man, you should have taken a picture of that and put it on failblog."
I think Ananda might have something really awesome with her new friend Christina. She is a nice girl and seems smart and all, but beyond that, she has a twin brother who is autistic. Annie spends so much time with Aaron jumping all over her when they were just sitting their watching a movie, or suddenly yelping 5 times and banging on the window in the van because he's been sitting too long, or not even being able to hold a conversation with her because he's freaking out - and those are extremes for him. But they're daily extremes. He has a certain inability to grasp what is appropriate that is very tied up with SID. Anyway. Annie and I spent awhile alone tonight talking about SID being an autism spectrum disorder and how Christopher is fully autistic and so it's different. But it's the same. Because there is this awkward distance and this irritation blooming between her and Aaron, even though they still do so much together and love each other, and I think Christina probably feels very similarly. Part of it - with both of them - is just that they're entering that time when girls suddenly mature, physically and mentally, far beyond boys their own age. But they're also entering this time when social lives become more important, with brothers who don't really "get" much of anything about social lives or how to act around new people.
Also, Christopher and Aaron seem to get along great, especially now that Aaron and I talked long and hard about why "Christopher seems weird". Aaron is thoughtful and curious, and relieved to understand what's going on with him. He wants to find out more about how autism makes Christopher smarter in some areas and better at certain things, because he definitely feels like his own sensory issues give him a huge edge in certain areas (empathy, balance, not to mention being able to find things by smell alone sometimes...)
I am SO proud of him re: sid, by the way....I don't know how to even begin to say how far he's come and how awesome he is. He is so willing to try harder and give more concetration to things than a lot of "average kids", and that really picks up a lot of the slack for him.
Right now the task he is painstakingly managing over months is clearing, scrubbing and drying the dining table. It sometimes takes HOURS per day. But sometimes, lately, it takes less than 10 minutes, too. Like it should, if he isn't so consistently distracted that I call him back every 30 seconds to 2 minutes over and over and OVER. I go find him. I yell for him. I reason with him. I get angry and dissapointed with him. I sometimes ground him over it. But it has gone from always being hours to rarely being an hour. It just works. We talk about how it's my job to make sure he can do things even when he doesn't like to, is distracted, or what have you, so that he can live and all when he's a grown up. It used to be like this for him to dress himself, it was INSANE for him to find clothes (let alone that even vaguely matched) AND put them on. Those days are long gone though, after over a year of him wandering out 15 minutes after I said "Go find a shirt" to say, "What am I doing?" ....three times in a row. And then losing the shirt and me finding him playing with legos. Etc.
There are a lot of things like this with Aaron. I spent two years getting him off the dining table dozens of times per day, for instance. And now I frequently remind myself when I am about to stab myself in the eyeball, over the cleaning the table bit, that he doesn't get on the table anymore. I just have to say THIS 5 million times, now.
Today was succesful and productive but nonstop gogogo all over the place - auditions (TOOK WAY LONGER THAN EXPECTED), lunch out with Daddy (SO CROWDED, but yummy), PATH (great, until the end), shoe store because Ananda and Christina LOST AARON'S SHOES AT PATH (she is so repaying me for the replacements, I mean they were throwing his shoes into bushes and even a trash can to get him to leave them alone and he was all sad about it? I was disgusted) grocery store (eh). Then we ended up rushing back around the corner to the close grocery store after I put all the original groceries away and realized we missed key dinner ingredients somehow. And that trip went very smoothly. But I was still taking Aleve with my dinner for my screaming back and somehow even getting everyone up earlier than usual? They refused to go to sleep earlier when I put them in bed obviously beyond tired. We just got triple the normal length of bedtime drama out of everyone (except Annie, who just goes to bed like a thinking person, and Jake, who really was too tired to fight it).
Tomorrow is all here. I am happy and excited about it. School work, phone calls I'm behind with for appointments and other things, breaking out the wii fit, cleaning.
I really shouldn't still be up. I'm just rambling.
