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Jul. 4th, 2007 01:33 pmI spent an hour or so at my neighbor-across-the-street's house, last night...Aracelia, this wonderful woman who loves my children and gives us fresh eggs from her chickens and tours of her gardens, started having chest pains after a long day of throwing up. Her husband came over and asked us to call 911, because he speaks no english. They are old - he's 89 and she's 77 - but they go fishing and hunting and ballroom dancing together. He gets up on the roof and paints, they have all kind of well maintained landscaping and walk to the grocery store.
I held her hand. She cried and asked me if I would stay until they came. I think I helped a little but in a way I wish I could have went with her in the ambulance. It's so easy to imagine myself in her shoes - surrounded by pictures of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, all of whom keep in touch by phone or mail and visit on holidays, but none of whom are anywhere nearby in case of something like this. She, like anybody, was so quick to rely on anyone in the circumstances, and it was suddenly no longer strange for me to see her under her robe as paramedics did tests, or to help her back into a nightgown, or to dig through her purse for her or hold a bucket, or anything. It all really, really reaffirms my desire to do some kind of chapplaincy. I know all too well what one kind person looking into your eyes and saying it will be ok can mean, when you're surrounded by strangers talking over your head and hooking you to machines.
It was a somber night, starting with that and ending with Ananda very upset about learning that Grant is going to California for 3 days, soon. I think she's just feeling safe enough that we're all together, here, home from hospitals, and home in general, that she can let me know how it bothered her to be gone, and separated...so this is really bigger than Grant leaving for 3 days (big though that is). It's a crack in a solid structure for her.
My mother came by this morning, she was down here picking up Laura and Brian to drive them up to Jacksonville for a few days. When they come back, they'll bring my brother, who'll stay with us for a bit of the summer. Elise rolled over for the 4th time, while they were here. And then we all ate waffles and turkey bacon, once they'd gone, and thought boy, it's kind of hot in here isn't it?
The AC is broken.
THE AC IS BROKEN!! It's JULY in Southernmost Florida and THE AC IS BROKEN. Ananda and Aaron helped Grant Sr change filters and vaccum out the filter closet, to no avail, and my Grant helped him try to rig up something with the frozen lines on the unit outside, but...alas. The prognosis is "a few hours to a few days". It's like we just had a hurricane, except...I'm on the internet. And the screens are still intact. Argh.
Everything is colored by lack of sleep. Low grade headache, slow response, and general oversensitivity. I don't know if I've ever been this tired before. It's a cumulative exhaustion that actually FEELS like it's been building for 2+ months. Sometimes, I feel like I've had 5 pregnancies, 5 cesareans and a second trimester miscarriage in 7 years, on these tired days. Like I'm tandem nursing and have a daughter weaning off of a sedative. Like I'm going to be recovering for the rest of my life. I honestly believe that with short breaks for going to pee or getting a drink of water, I could easily, happily sleep for 3 solid days and nights...and be better off for it.
I will probably get an hour or two nap, when Grant gets back from The Winery. Then when I get up, the kids and I will decorate a cake like the flag for Independance Day, with strawberries and blueberries, and read some things about the holiday, and grill hot dogs, and then go see a firework show covered in tons of mosquito spray.
I don't remember a single 4th of July from my childhood or adolescence, but somewhere along the line of when I started having my own kids, it became A Big Deal, and the last 6-7 have been major year-marking times for me. Maybe I'll take Elise and go to my friend Alice's annual 4th party tonight for a little while, if Grant doesn't mind. Or maybe we'll all go.
Damnitt, she doesn't have air conditioning either. They're like the last holdouts in modern south Florida - they don't even have windows. Just screens. They live back in the bushes and have orchid greenhouses and mango and lychee groves and large dogs. Which is pretty great, when I have my own AC to come home to.
There'll be a bonfire, there, too - of all things...Geez, I'm going to be roasted alive just existing this week.
I held her hand. She cried and asked me if I would stay until they came. I think I helped a little but in a way I wish I could have went with her in the ambulance. It's so easy to imagine myself in her shoes - surrounded by pictures of children, grandchildren and great grandchildren, all of whom keep in touch by phone or mail and visit on holidays, but none of whom are anywhere nearby in case of something like this. She, like anybody, was so quick to rely on anyone in the circumstances, and it was suddenly no longer strange for me to see her under her robe as paramedics did tests, or to help her back into a nightgown, or to dig through her purse for her or hold a bucket, or anything. It all really, really reaffirms my desire to do some kind of chapplaincy. I know all too well what one kind person looking into your eyes and saying it will be ok can mean, when you're surrounded by strangers talking over your head and hooking you to machines.
It was a somber night, starting with that and ending with Ananda very upset about learning that Grant is going to California for 3 days, soon. I think she's just feeling safe enough that we're all together, here, home from hospitals, and home in general, that she can let me know how it bothered her to be gone, and separated...so this is really bigger than Grant leaving for 3 days (big though that is). It's a crack in a solid structure for her.
My mother came by this morning, she was down here picking up Laura and Brian to drive them up to Jacksonville for a few days. When they come back, they'll bring my brother, who'll stay with us for a bit of the summer. Elise rolled over for the 4th time, while they were here. And then we all ate waffles and turkey bacon, once they'd gone, and thought boy, it's kind of hot in here isn't it?
The AC is broken.
THE AC IS BROKEN!! It's JULY in Southernmost Florida and THE AC IS BROKEN. Ananda and Aaron helped Grant Sr change filters and vaccum out the filter closet, to no avail, and my Grant helped him try to rig up something with the frozen lines on the unit outside, but...alas. The prognosis is "a few hours to a few days". It's like we just had a hurricane, except...I'm on the internet. And the screens are still intact. Argh.
Everything is colored by lack of sleep. Low grade headache, slow response, and general oversensitivity. I don't know if I've ever been this tired before. It's a cumulative exhaustion that actually FEELS like it's been building for 2+ months. Sometimes, I feel like I've had 5 pregnancies, 5 cesareans and a second trimester miscarriage in 7 years, on these tired days. Like I'm tandem nursing and have a daughter weaning off of a sedative. Like I'm going to be recovering for the rest of my life. I honestly believe that with short breaks for going to pee or getting a drink of water, I could easily, happily sleep for 3 solid days and nights...and be better off for it.
I will probably get an hour or two nap, when Grant gets back from The Winery. Then when I get up, the kids and I will decorate a cake like the flag for Independance Day, with strawberries and blueberries, and read some things about the holiday, and grill hot dogs, and then go see a firework show covered in tons of mosquito spray.
I don't remember a single 4th of July from my childhood or adolescence, but somewhere along the line of when I started having my own kids, it became A Big Deal, and the last 6-7 have been major year-marking times for me. Maybe I'll take Elise and go to my friend Alice's annual 4th party tonight for a little while, if Grant doesn't mind. Or maybe we'll all go.
Damnitt, she doesn't have air conditioning either. They're like the last holdouts in modern south Florida - they don't even have windows. Just screens. They live back in the bushes and have orchid greenhouses and mango and lychee groves and large dogs. Which is pretty great, when I have my own AC to come home to.
There'll be a bonfire, there, too - of all things...Geez, I'm going to be roasted alive just existing this week.
