(no subject)

I have a lot of frustration. Every now and then the idea that we live with Grant Sr and that I can't keep this house clean and that I'm stuck in it reach a sort of fever pitch in my head. Months go by without me feeling that way; I'm not quite sure what triggers it.

Grant is not available for much affection, and hasn't been for weeks. He's just in too much constant discomfort. I have to mentally remove him from my list of options to not feel perpetually dissapointed, which should be ok, because this isn't his fault. But my coping mechanisms are at odds with each other, and it creates so much inner turmoil.

And, like little sharp edges on a mostly smooth finish, I hit these snags at intervals throughout the day wherein I am intensely tired of being pregnant. This particular pregnancy is not so much, or so long. But the cumulative effect of the past 7 years are something else.


I just have too much energy to be so tired. I am a bottomless pit that cannot even define "enough" sleep, or food, yet I am stir crazy, I am sedentary, I can feel myself gaining weight like some sort of psycho anorexic person. My opportunities for physical activity have never seemed so limited.

I know tomorrow will present a different perspective, and a new chance to make things into my own. So...I'm going to bed.

As long as I don't ever have another dream about Flavor Flav.

(no subject)

I took my own advice to someone else, earlier, and completely cleared and scrubbed the Counter of Doom this afternoon. I also did my computer desk - combined, over an hour's nonstop working. I don't think I've tackled either of those areas in earnest for weeks. The whole house feels different now.

Ananda asked again for a bicycle lesson, and now she has some long pants to guard her knees, so we hit it over to the park. The fenced in tennis courts made a great place to practice because the closed gates kept Jake and Isaac in so I could just work with her. However, after a couple of hesitant wobbles and one fall, she dug in her heels and absolutely refused to try anymore. *sigh* Aaron had fun on her bike, anyway, and I got some good pictures. Albeit with the poor quality camera phone, and none of her because she also refused to look towards me.

The weather was SO NICE, btw. It was only 84 degrees, with humidity down in the 50 or 60% and a light breeze. Perhaps Fall has actually arrived.

( +10 crappy quality photos of my nevertheless radiant children )