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altarflameYou hear that echo?
Isaac is totally out of control again. There are times when, though I love him, I honestly don't like him. There are times when it's hard to keep myself from slapping the shit out of him. This is a strange and unique thing for me that I never feel about any of my other children. I cling to the fact that it happens to Grant, too (who also never feels it towards any of the others).
Last night we were all going into BJ's. They have automatic doors - an entrance on one side of the store, an exit on the other. It had rained outside so all the carts out there were soaking wet - we were going in to get a cart. I was holding Jake and the others were walking. They held hands (Isaac held my hand) as we crossed the street, then let go but stayed close once we were going into the store. I got in, with them all, and then Isaac darted back out...and the doors closed. They don't open from the inside, they're entrance doors. I put on a really stern face and used the Finger of Doom and mouthed to him to Get. Over. Here. NOW. He got "that special look" in his eye, and ran for it. Out of my line of sight.
When I got to him (an employee who was nearby opened the door for me with a key) I made him sit in a soaking wet cart outside even though he hates water, and told him it was because I couldn't trust him to walk in with us. And then I made him stay in it the whoooooole time we shopped (it was quite awhile) even though A and A walked (we often use one of those attached-bench or truck carts that hold everyone). At the very end he had been so good that I let him out again when he asked nicely, but he immediately got "That look" again and ran for it like it was all a game.
And of course there is the fact that EVERY SINGLE DAY for anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours after he wakes up, he screams, and whines, and throws himself onto the tile yelling. This is in the morning AND at naptime. We know he's up when he flings himself on the floor yelling and weeping. Regardless of whether we coddle or ignore him, offer him things, try to go somewhere right away outside of the house (he's usually better out of the house), WHATEVER. Nursing will soothe him but I can't ALWAYS drop everything to nurse him right away, and he usually throws a fit whenever we have to stop (he seriously wants to nurse for an hour at a time, several times a day...I don't think he would even consume regular food at all if I let him nurse as much as he wants to).
Today started out pretty well. He was quiet (for once) when he woke up and came into my bed, so as not to disturb Jake. I nursed him and he dealt with it, when it was time to stop (after 30 minutes, granted). I offered him various breakfasts that he was not interested in, he did take a muffin and then leave most of it on the table. He helped me clean up the living room very well, was acting nice to everyone. Then he ran in his room to pee on the carpet and act like it was cool - he does this very intentionally, it's not a bladder control thing - so I had him go get a towel and made him clean it up himself. I thought it was an isolated act of tyranny. Then when Annie was coloring, he started grabbing crayons and throwing them, and when Aaron was coloring, he kept trying to color on his picture. Screaming and arguments. Pushing Jake down, scattering a bin we had cleaned up, etc - they were all obvious cries for attention so aside from making him fix his messes and apologize to people I tried to give him some more attention and it seemed to sort of help for a little while. Even though, mind you, he at this point had been nursed more than Jake and talked with more than all of them combined - the others all amused themselves all morning.
Then came naptime. He was tired, it's approximately the same time everyday, we have a routine, etc. We get in there though and he wants to get in the bed alone, but won't get in. When I start to put him in he goes limp, thrashing and screaming. I stick him in anyway and he wants a drink, but refuses it. I put it back, he screams for it. I tell him too late, he says cover me up. I say lay down, he says no-oh in a sing song. I say, no really, lay down Isaac, he says No again and starts acting like he's going to climb out. I say, ok, I'm leaving, cover yourself. He yells no no no cover me and acts like he's going to lay down and says he's sorry so I turn to cover him and he pops up again laughing at me, and I SLAP THE HELL OUT OF THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD before I even realized what I was doing. Like I was standing there thinking, "I just hit him. Geez, wtf?"
He was shocked and aghast and layed down and I covered him and came out here to think about it. He did not cry a whole lot or freak out or anything. And it's not like I left marks on him or used a closed fist or something psycho like that...I am shell shocked enough by tyranny that I was thinking, amongst feeling bad for snapping in anger like that, at least he's quiet now :x I called Grant to talk about it and then went to lay down with Jake to get him down for a nap, so I could do school with the big kids. Isaac starts bursting into my room. Just enough to open and slam the door, or run by it yelling. So Jake obviously will not nap. I start getting mad, go out and talk to him, demand that he get in the bed, tell him he better be in the bed when I'm done, etc etc.
Jake goes down easily then in the quiet, like he always does.
I go out and Isaac is waiting for me. In their room, on Aaron's bed. When he sees me, he looks right at me, says "Pee Aaron's bed" and pees all over Aaron's bed.
!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a total loss. None of my other kids would DARE to do the things that he does. Annie or Aaron would also be horrified and break down, if I yelled at them the way I sometimes do him. They would be showing lasting trauma from a slap upside the head, too. Isaac laughs at me most of the time when I get mad, feeling that he's won by getting a rise out of me. I honestly believe Grant and I have done very well with him, most likely the best we could. I am afraid that BEFORE he is a teenager, I won't have any control over him at all.
Isaac is totally out of control again. There are times when, though I love him, I honestly don't like him. There are times when it's hard to keep myself from slapping the shit out of him. This is a strange and unique thing for me that I never feel about any of my other children. I cling to the fact that it happens to Grant, too (who also never feels it towards any of the others).
Last night we were all going into BJ's. They have automatic doors - an entrance on one side of the store, an exit on the other. It had rained outside so all the carts out there were soaking wet - we were going in to get a cart. I was holding Jake and the others were walking. They held hands (Isaac held my hand) as we crossed the street, then let go but stayed close once we were going into the store. I got in, with them all, and then Isaac darted back out...and the doors closed. They don't open from the inside, they're entrance doors. I put on a really stern face and used the Finger of Doom and mouthed to him to Get. Over. Here. NOW. He got "that special look" in his eye, and ran for it. Out of my line of sight.
When I got to him (an employee who was nearby opened the door for me with a key) I made him sit in a soaking wet cart outside even though he hates water, and told him it was because I couldn't trust him to walk in with us. And then I made him stay in it the whoooooole time we shopped (it was quite awhile) even though A and A walked (we often use one of those attached-bench or truck carts that hold everyone). At the very end he had been so good that I let him out again when he asked nicely, but he immediately got "That look" again and ran for it like it was all a game.
And of course there is the fact that EVERY SINGLE DAY for anywhere from 15 minutes to two hours after he wakes up, he screams, and whines, and throws himself onto the tile yelling. This is in the morning AND at naptime. We know he's up when he flings himself on the floor yelling and weeping. Regardless of whether we coddle or ignore him, offer him things, try to go somewhere right away outside of the house (he's usually better out of the house), WHATEVER. Nursing will soothe him but I can't ALWAYS drop everything to nurse him right away, and he usually throws a fit whenever we have to stop (he seriously wants to nurse for an hour at a time, several times a day...I don't think he would even consume regular food at all if I let him nurse as much as he wants to).
Today started out pretty well. He was quiet (for once) when he woke up and came into my bed, so as not to disturb Jake. I nursed him and he dealt with it, when it was time to stop (after 30 minutes, granted). I offered him various breakfasts that he was not interested in, he did take a muffin and then leave most of it on the table. He helped me clean up the living room very well, was acting nice to everyone. Then he ran in his room to pee on the carpet and act like it was cool - he does this very intentionally, it's not a bladder control thing - so I had him go get a towel and made him clean it up himself. I thought it was an isolated act of tyranny. Then when Annie was coloring, he started grabbing crayons and throwing them, and when Aaron was coloring, he kept trying to color on his picture. Screaming and arguments. Pushing Jake down, scattering a bin we had cleaned up, etc - they were all obvious cries for attention so aside from making him fix his messes and apologize to people I tried to give him some more attention and it seemed to sort of help for a little while. Even though, mind you, he at this point had been nursed more than Jake and talked with more than all of them combined - the others all amused themselves all morning.
Then came naptime. He was tired, it's approximately the same time everyday, we have a routine, etc. We get in there though and he wants to get in the bed alone, but won't get in. When I start to put him in he goes limp, thrashing and screaming. I stick him in anyway and he wants a drink, but refuses it. I put it back, he screams for it. I tell him too late, he says cover me up. I say lay down, he says no-oh in a sing song. I say, no really, lay down Isaac, he says No again and starts acting like he's going to climb out. I say, ok, I'm leaving, cover yourself. He yells no no no cover me and acts like he's going to lay down and says he's sorry so I turn to cover him and he pops up again laughing at me, and I SLAP THE HELL OUT OF THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD before I even realized what I was doing. Like I was standing there thinking, "I just hit him. Geez, wtf?"
He was shocked and aghast and layed down and I covered him and came out here to think about it. He did not cry a whole lot or freak out or anything. And it's not like I left marks on him or used a closed fist or something psycho like that...I am shell shocked enough by tyranny that I was thinking, amongst feeling bad for snapping in anger like that, at least he's quiet now :x I called Grant to talk about it and then went to lay down with Jake to get him down for a nap, so I could do school with the big kids. Isaac starts bursting into my room. Just enough to open and slam the door, or run by it yelling. So Jake obviously will not nap. I start getting mad, go out and talk to him, demand that he get in the bed, tell him he better be in the bed when I'm done, etc etc.
Jake goes down easily then in the quiet, like he always does.
I go out and Isaac is waiting for me. In their room, on Aaron's bed. When he sees me, he looks right at me, says "Pee Aaron's bed" and pees all over Aaron's bed.
!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am a total loss. None of my other kids would DARE to do the things that he does. Annie or Aaron would also be horrified and break down, if I yelled at them the way I sometimes do him. They would be showing lasting trauma from a slap upside the head, too. Isaac laughs at me most of the time when I get mad, feeling that he's won by getting a rise out of me. I honestly believe Grant and I have done very well with him, most likely the best we could. I am afraid that BEFORE he is a teenager, I won't have any control over him at all.
