altarflame (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
altarflame) wrote2006-08-13 11:00 pm
altarflame) wrote2006-08-13 11:00 pm
Entry tags:
Caffeine, roudy teenagers, etc.
Grant ended up being the only one to go to Mass today, and he didn't like it. He thought it was a lot of ho hum ritualistic blah that nobody was putting any passion into. *sigh* I have a lot of fears right now about us growing apart - because he just got an ArtSouth studio, and I'm going back to school, and it seems we want completely different things out of churches, and I'm getting to a point where I don't understand how he can deal with his work or why he would want to do it in particular...we had another Mindy conversation tonight, I don't understand it; he always seems to act as if it's his parents' duty not just to raise her abandoned children, but to answer her 3 am pleas for money, pack up her apartment for her when she's arrested on murder charges, let her criminal, scary boyfriends come over despite major misgivings, allow her to hurt her kids, etc etc...I feel like not being judgemental, and valuing family, does not mean ceasing to have any personal dignity yourself, or boundaries, or letting one person's rights trump everyone elses' to the point that children are being traumatized - I mean her mom, my sweet mother in law, is in therapy over this crap, and has been for YEARS AND YEARS. I'm always nice to Mindy, I loan her books and offer her baked goods whenever she's here. But I still also tell it to her like it is, and think her parents are total enablers.
My growing apart fears are mostly just paranoia, I am a deeply insecure person where relationships are concerned. Basic "cannot trust anything to last" stuff that I'm gradually struggling out of despite this whole "mortality" thing hanging over everybody all the time. I support his photography and he's happy with me about college, we still pray together and talk out church stuff, I'm very proud of him for all the work that he does. I think more than anything it's just the strain of so much responsibility on both of us, all the time, that is wearing us each thin.
He had some work to do at the Winery today. I took all the kids to Starbucks while he was there. When we walked in and smelled the place, Ananda inhaled deeply and said, "Mmm - smells like caffeine" with a stoned looking grin O_o She's never had coffee, for the record. Anyway, getting all the kids organic vanilla milks and granola, berry and yogurt parfaits, and myself my monthly frappuccino (that I cling to desperately as I turn down all other refined sugars in an effort to have a diabetes-free pregnancy), I set myself back TWENTY DOLLARS (geez!). But they were very good. The cashier guy was smitten with Jake, and the lady behind me in line exclaimed, "Are they all yours?" When I said Yes, she said "Even that one?!", pointing to Isaac. Isaac who stood on his chair to do a slow grind to the Bob Marley they were playing, collecting a small audience.
On the way back to picking Grant up, I was stopped at a red light and caught motion out of the corner of my eye. An SUV full of teenaged boys in the turn lane had pulled open their side door and rolled down their windows to make faces and do ridiculous dance moves in front of what I can only assume was "The minivan with a mom and a bunch of little kids in it" (you know, us). I'd been searching through the cd collection the whole way back to Homestead - Grant labels all homemade cds "stuff", "crap" or "songs", so you really have to go track by track and take your chances - and was currently playing Blur's "Song 2" - the "WOO HOO!" song. I rolled down my window enough that they could hear it and they all started laughing and mock-moshing, so I threw quarters at them, but then the light turned green. I could hear the shouts of "Milf! Milf!" fading as we sped away.
Jake, oh my Jake. He tries to sing along, when I sing, and he has such a fat little butt, and he squeezes me - he is the most affectionate, cuddly baby I have ever had, AND possibly the most independant (maybe tied with Annie, though, she was really into doing her own thing for long periods). But he is about as photogenic as...well...me.
I didn't realize that the camera was set to manual focus until I'd taken two of these.
Even once I'd fixed that, well...
Coy Jakey
Grainy Jakey
The bottom line is that I could have taken 15 great pictures of him if Isaac wasn't jumping in front of the camera or into my face every time I tried.
"If I take a picture some pictures of you, will you stay out of the way for a couple of minutes?"
Haha, yeah right.
My growing apart fears are mostly just paranoia, I am a deeply insecure person where relationships are concerned. Basic "cannot trust anything to last" stuff that I'm gradually struggling out of despite this whole "mortality" thing hanging over everybody all the time. I support his photography and he's happy with me about college, we still pray together and talk out church stuff, I'm very proud of him for all the work that he does. I think more than anything it's just the strain of so much responsibility on both of us, all the time, that is wearing us each thin.
He had some work to do at the Winery today. I took all the kids to Starbucks while he was there. When we walked in and smelled the place, Ananda inhaled deeply and said, "Mmm - smells like caffeine" with a stoned looking grin O_o She's never had coffee, for the record. Anyway, getting all the kids organic vanilla milks and granola, berry and yogurt parfaits, and myself my monthly frappuccino (that I cling to desperately as I turn down all other refined sugars in an effort to have a diabetes-free pregnancy), I set myself back TWENTY DOLLARS (geez!). But they were very good. The cashier guy was smitten with Jake, and the lady behind me in line exclaimed, "Are they all yours?" When I said Yes, she said "Even that one?!", pointing to Isaac. Isaac who stood on his chair to do a slow grind to the Bob Marley they were playing, collecting a small audience.
On the way back to picking Grant up, I was stopped at a red light and caught motion out of the corner of my eye. An SUV full of teenaged boys in the turn lane had pulled open their side door and rolled down their windows to make faces and do ridiculous dance moves in front of what I can only assume was "The minivan with a mom and a bunch of little kids in it" (you know, us). I'd been searching through the cd collection the whole way back to Homestead - Grant labels all homemade cds "stuff", "crap" or "songs", so you really have to go track by track and take your chances - and was currently playing Blur's "Song 2" - the "WOO HOO!" song. I rolled down my window enough that they could hear it and they all started laughing and mock-moshing, so I threw quarters at them, but then the light turned green. I could hear the shouts of "Milf! Milf!" fading as we sped away.
Jake, oh my Jake. He tries to sing along, when I sing, and he has such a fat little butt, and he squeezes me - he is the most affectionate, cuddly baby I have ever had, AND possibly the most independant (maybe tied with Annie, though, she was really into doing her own thing for long periods). But he is about as photogenic as...well...me.
I didn't realize that the camera was set to manual focus until I'd taken two of these.
Even once I'd fixed that, well...
Coy Jakey
Grainy Jakey
The bottom line is that I could have taken 15 great pictures of him if Isaac wasn't jumping in front of the camera or into my face every time I tried.
"If I take a picture some pictures of you, will you stay out of the way for a couple of minutes?"
Haha, yeah right.
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;)
You know you can get sugar-free fraps at Starbucks. Also, their vegan brownie is made without refined sugar. I had them pull out the book and look it up for me one day.
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That's not all true. I do think that someone should pack up her stuff and store it away so the landlord doesn't just throw it away, which is what we were talking about. All that other stuff is just my sister's BS that I don't put up with. I mean, I guess I do think my parents should take care of her kids if she's not going to, rather than them go into foster care...
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I meant that as, yeah I think it's their duty to take care of the kids because the kids are helpless, but beyond that...I've never thought the kids should go to foster care.
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That's such a great story about the teenage boys in the SUV. I'll ask if any of my brothers has been down to Florida lately...
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Your kids are so cute!
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