What a bunch of hoohaw...

[altarflame]

Today is the freaking PITS. I don't even know where to start, my ranting will get too long. Suffice to say Isaac is having the same day he was having the last time I ranted, except that today he's getting into the garbage every few minutes and pouring out every drawer and bin he can get his hands on over and over again.

He's healthy, he's happy, he's cute. He's pretty bright and very affectionate. But he also has a horrible temper and no sense of boundaries at all. It seems kind of sensationalist to say that a 19 month old is "completely out of control". But damnitt he pays NO ATTENTION to anything I say to him, even if I yell or clap my hands together. The only way to get him to even pause in anything that he is doing is to physically stop him. I am seriously considering some baby gates (though they would only work with a bedroom, our house isn't set up for baby gates at all) or even a playpen (I've never even HAD a playpen...)

You can't leave him alone for a minute. Like, literally, a minute is far too long. If he ISN'T in the bathroom with me while I pee or outside the door screaming, I WILL come out to find him digging in the garbage, standing on top of the dining table, dumping something out everywhere, etc. Yesterday I spent most of the afternoon clearing his drag-and-drop clutter from the living room, the hallway, my and the kids' bedroom, and then vaccuming (that's all the carpeted areas of the house). It took so long because he was continuing to drag and drop the entire time I was doing it. Finally as I was vaccuming the last room, he ran out and I was just relieved. But in the time it took me to finish Aaron's play rug (the kind with roads and a city all over it), Isaac brought me a steak knife that he got out of the dishwasher. I almost started crying.

I almost started crying again today. I called Grant on his cell even though he had just ran to the grocery store around the corner, to tell him I was going to have a nervous breakdown. I was forcing the kids to clean up their trashed room (that I just had spotless and vaccumed late yesterday), even though Isaac made the whole mess, and Aaron had already been crying twice because Isaac just kept running in there and undoing everything he tried to do. Which was really, really frustrating to me, as I was trying to hang up clothes and had already had to stop 6 or 7 times to get Isaac out of the freaking trash.

I've always favored pro-active over reactive parenting, and tried to anticipate things, plan ahead, etc. But I feel totally incapable of keeping ahead of him, especially right now (when it's hard to get up, I'm not as fast as normal, and I'm hormonal to boot...)

There is no way to adequately childproof this place for him. We have latches on the "dangerous" kitchen cabinet, and glass stuff up high, and outlet covers. We don't use the bottom 3 shelves of the pantry or the fridge door at all, and have removed all of our dvds from the living room after having to put them all back up on the rack twice a day for a month. There is a strict "bathroom door stays closed" rule that only gets accidentally broken rarely. But like the kids' room, I can't really put anything up high enough that he can't manage to get it, or they won't be able to, either. I can't suspend the garbage from the ceiling. I can't guard my pile of folded clothes while I go to run and sop up something he spilled, so he tears it all up and throws it everywhere while I'm out of the way. He DEMOLISHES Ananda's dollhouse every single day, it's part of her bedtime routine to go all over her room and the house getting the furniture and reassembling it.

Does anyone have any suggestions here? Short of tying him up or beating him? Because I've already thought of those options. Maybe I can start using his little feeding chair for timeouts and it will form a pavlov-style connection that will make him want to eat less...

ETA - He is not trying to get attention the only way he can...He's still nursing on demand and I sit down with him and read to him frequently throughout the day. Grant also does roughhouse-style play with him at least a couple of times a day. His attention span for books is improving, as well, and he's still learning new words and sometimes amazes me with the "conversations" we have - so I really don't think he has any actual comprehension or hearing problems, either. He just ignores me whenever convenient. We go out often enough that I wouldn't think he's bored out of his mind - we were just in a forest-y park where I let him pick up leaves and flowers and explore independantly for an hour, yesterday afternoon, and he was out running in the rain with the other two, the day before that. We take a walk with the stroller just about every day. SOIDGJ:OFJ"IOPJKM":LH}_+)_(#%

Comments

[norwegian-wood.livejournal.com]

sounds like 99% of your problem is insufficient baby proofing! if you fix that, you will be mad less, and he won't be in trouble as much. when echo was litler, we would stack the kitchen cairs (one upside down on top of another) when not in use to avoid table climbing. you can "no" yourself to death at this age, and you'll accomplish little, if anything. you've gotta remove all temptation!

get a different garbage storage system. get a can that fits in a pantry, or under a child locked cabinet. thin out the toy supply. make all the kids combined stuff take up no more space than a small hamper. bag up the rest and rotate it. i think they sell dishwasher locks too.

maybe he needs to take that walk sans stroller, and run off some energy!

[altarflame.livejournal.com]

I hear you, but at the same time this house is more babyproofed than my place ever was when A or A were at this stage, and I feel like anything else I can do to further bp it will cramp their style more than I'm comfortable with or think is fair. For instance, they spend A LOT of time throughout the day sitting on the kitchen chairs doing art projects, making up pretend stories and working on school stuff. I don't think there is an hour that passes that one of them isn't using one - I don't feel like it's right to stack them up to where they can't do that, and I'm not willing to unstack and restack 15 times a day. They already clean up after him a lot and wait for times when he's napping or down for the night to use some of their toys - like blocks and train sets he can ransack - I'm not gonna pack away most of their toys, on top of that. They use their dress up clothes, stuffed animals, balls, cars, dolls, etc everyday (literally...none of it is filler that sits). Likewise they are awesome about keeping the bathroom door shut at all times - I'm not going to start being a nazi about every other door in the house as well, as if they're to blame when he's out of control...does this make sense to you?

I feel that "no" in and of itself does little at this age, but explanations and guided clean-ups and proactive mothering often do a lot. I think 19 months is old enough to learn some limits...A baby who is just crawling can't be expected to be within reach of anything even mildly off limits, but he's been walking well for almost a year and climbing/running at least half that long...I feel like it's important for him to understand that you can't do anything you want. No, the glass shouldn't be on the floor or the edge of the cabinet, but by the same token he should be learning not to go get something to use as a stool, finaggle his way up onto the high surface and then throw it down just to watch it break, about now. While I don't buy into the idea of small children manipulating their parents, I also don't think no longer using glasses and throwing out anything portable that can be stepped up on is sending him the right message.

In the end I just try to remember that Aaron used to climb on the table, Ananda used to have tantrums about car rides...as time passes they grow out of things, and in the meantime you just have to be patient and consistent so that they do.

[norwegian-wood.livejournal.com]

could you get one of those smaller tables for them? or block off a work area with baby gates?
i'm sure they can understand they're not being punished, but instead having their stuff protectd, right? i'm only saying because i hate to see you going nuts trying to find a solution, especially with a new baby. he will learn limits, but it may be months before he is able to consistently stick to them. they do grow out of things, so any rearranging you do would only have to be for a few more months - for instance, we always kept the bathroom doors shut when echo was his age and younger, but we don't have to anymore - nor do we have to stack the chairs to keep her off the table...at his age, 'time out's', hand clapping, raised voices and no's often don't really do shit - especially to a kid with an intact spirit like issac :)
you have overcome bigger issues than this, and i am confident that you will make it through.