What will we find when we get there, late in the night, kids sleeping in the back, assuming all is well? What if there was a fire/theft/animal death/massive bug infestation/etc?

In our case, our cats were alive and well-fed, but our books had been borrowed by our housesitters' friends, our email programs had been opened and tampered with and the blankets in all the bedrooms had been moved around the house. Glad to know it all looked the same when you got home. And welcome back - I've been reading you for a couple of years now and missed you while you were gone.