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From earlier this week...
Oct. 7th, 2012 09:35 pmIt's hard to finish entries these days. Sometimes I just give up and post the partials a few days later, like now:
I keep getting hit with these weird examples of getting disproportionately upset about something and then realizing I'm making it about me in an unconscious way that is totally irrational.
Exhibit A: Isaac and Elise got to school AT 8:30 (which is when school starts) on Monday and Tuesday this week, which means that by the time they got to their classrooms they were a couple of minutes late - probably almost 5 for Elise since her class is across the campus from the drop off line. She told me last night that her teacher is lecturing her on not being late and she feels like she's in trouble in front of the class before she can sit down. I GOT SO PISSED ABOUT THIS. I understand being late is a disruption, but why in the hell would you penalize a 5 year old? Does this woman think Elise chooses when to get up and how to get ready and then drives herself to school? Rather than shaming her in front of the class, why not send a note home in her folder talking to me about it, since it's obviously completely up to me? Anyway, yeah, I was considering nasty emails and thinking about feeding Elise rude rebuttals and had to stop and be like, ok. Simmer down you weirdo. This is totally about how I was always late and often absent, never had necessary supplies or forms, and was constantly in trouble for all of it as a kid, and consistently felt penalized and shamed for things beyond my control (because, I assure you, attendance and punctuality and art projects were not on my mother's list of priorities). Sigh. They got there early today, as per usual, and I'm considering whether or not it's even worth bringing up in any context.
Exhibit B: Robby - who is my 17 year old nephew, for those who may have forgotten - is in something of a crisis up in North Florida where they live. Basically (Robby is gay), he's fallen in love with this guy and he moved out of my mother in law's place (he dropped out of school awhile back and was supposed to either be getting a GED or going to JobCorps) to live with the boyfriend at his parents' house. They've been adorably happy in this totally unsustainable way, that involves neither of them working or going to school or being awake during the day. I've never seen him in a steady relationship that lasts more than a couple of weeks (it's already been months) and that's great, but the boyfriend's mom moved out and away and pretty much abandoned them there. I don't know the whole story, obviously, I was getting all of this in dribs and drabs because now they need a place to go. My mother in law has given them money and food a couple of times but they just burn right through it. She says Robby can come back and stay with her anytime, but not the boyfriend - and in a way I get that because Robby has snuck him in against her wishes before, and he has burned her in the past with friends taking advantage (I really don't THINK this is about it being another guy). But in our talks about it, as some kind of proof that the boyfriend is questionable or whatever, she said to me, "Tina his mom just up and LEFT? What does that tell you about this family? I mean what kind of kid is this that his mom just leaves him?"
This is my Deep Breathing moment...Robby's mom is in jail. My mom just up and left me, when I was 15, and I was lucky enough to have grandparents to stay with. Just. Ugh. It just put me in this whole fit of wanting to say COME AND LIVE WITH ME ROBBY DON'T DEAL WITH THIS INJUSTICE, COME BE LOVERS AND BE HAPPY AND EAT THE FOOD I COOK - when really this is not so simple, the two of them do drugs (partying sometimes, not addicts, but uh uh), they obviously need to get some motivation to start providing for themselves, Teresa has actually been unnecessarily accommodating and supportive in many ways and still has the twins there in her house, and I get where she's coming from completely. And I have an overly full life as it is in just about every way (time, money, resources, etc all going full tilt) - my kids have to be my priority.
Just. GEEZ! It's not like Teresa doesn't know her daughter has opted out of mothering all along, or doesn't know my history! How in the world could my very loving and awesome mother in law act as though it must be a teenagers fault if they get abandoned?!
(I looked up hostels near them and explained what they are to Robby and gave him links...and I'm mailing them baked goods.)
I keep getting hit with these weird examples of getting disproportionately upset about something and then realizing I'm making it about me in an unconscious way that is totally irrational.
Exhibit A: Isaac and Elise got to school AT 8:30 (which is when school starts) on Monday and Tuesday this week, which means that by the time they got to their classrooms they were a couple of minutes late - probably almost 5 for Elise since her class is across the campus from the drop off line. She told me last night that her teacher is lecturing her on not being late and she feels like she's in trouble in front of the class before she can sit down. I GOT SO PISSED ABOUT THIS. I understand being late is a disruption, but why in the hell would you penalize a 5 year old? Does this woman think Elise chooses when to get up and how to get ready and then drives herself to school? Rather than shaming her in front of the class, why not send a note home in her folder talking to me about it, since it's obviously completely up to me? Anyway, yeah, I was considering nasty emails and thinking about feeding Elise rude rebuttals and had to stop and be like, ok. Simmer down you weirdo. This is totally about how I was always late and often absent, never had necessary supplies or forms, and was constantly in trouble for all of it as a kid, and consistently felt penalized and shamed for things beyond my control (because, I assure you, attendance and punctuality and art projects were not on my mother's list of priorities). Sigh. They got there early today, as per usual, and I'm considering whether or not it's even worth bringing up in any context.
Exhibit B: Robby - who is my 17 year old nephew, for those who may have forgotten - is in something of a crisis up in North Florida where they live. Basically (Robby is gay), he's fallen in love with this guy and he moved out of my mother in law's place (he dropped out of school awhile back and was supposed to either be getting a GED or going to JobCorps) to live with the boyfriend at his parents' house. They've been adorably happy in this totally unsustainable way, that involves neither of them working or going to school or being awake during the day. I've never seen him in a steady relationship that lasts more than a couple of weeks (it's already been months) and that's great, but the boyfriend's mom moved out and away and pretty much abandoned them there. I don't know the whole story, obviously, I was getting all of this in dribs and drabs because now they need a place to go. My mother in law has given them money and food a couple of times but they just burn right through it. She says Robby can come back and stay with her anytime, but not the boyfriend - and in a way I get that because Robby has snuck him in against her wishes before, and he has burned her in the past with friends taking advantage (I really don't THINK this is about it being another guy). But in our talks about it, as some kind of proof that the boyfriend is questionable or whatever, she said to me, "Tina his mom just up and LEFT? What does that tell you about this family? I mean what kind of kid is this that his mom just leaves him?"
This is my Deep Breathing moment...Robby's mom is in jail. My mom just up and left me, when I was 15, and I was lucky enough to have grandparents to stay with. Just. Ugh. It just put me in this whole fit of wanting to say COME AND LIVE WITH ME ROBBY DON'T DEAL WITH THIS INJUSTICE, COME BE LOVERS AND BE HAPPY AND EAT THE FOOD I COOK - when really this is not so simple, the two of them do drugs (partying sometimes, not addicts, but uh uh), they obviously need to get some motivation to start providing for themselves, Teresa has actually been unnecessarily accommodating and supportive in many ways and still has the twins there in her house, and I get where she's coming from completely. And I have an overly full life as it is in just about every way (time, money, resources, etc all going full tilt) - my kids have to be my priority.
Just. GEEZ! It's not like Teresa doesn't know her daughter has opted out of mothering all along, or doesn't know my history! How in the world could my very loving and awesome mother in law act as though it must be a teenagers fault if they get abandoned?!
(I looked up hostels near them and explained what they are to Robby and gave him links...and I'm mailing them baked goods.)
